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Natural Selection
A pigeon gets hit by a car. A hunter shoots himself. A horse runs back into a burning barn. A kid OD’s trying to get HIGH on sleeping pills. (Sleeping pills are DOWNS.) Don’t feel bad about these passings. It’s just nature trying to thin the ranks of the planet’s less than desirable inhabitants.
Linguica
Made of whatever falls on the floor, this delicious Portuguese sausage is the only known food to come out better in the microwave.
Porn
Not that I watch it, but the volume is always way too loud whenever it’s turned on. Or so I’ve heard.
Adjectives
When I was younger, I used to think adjectives made me look smart. Why say something’s big, when it can be described as gargantuan or enormous? As I’ve evolved as a writer, I’ve discovered that adjectives should be used sparingly…and that when I was younger, I was a bit of an asshole.
Feminine Hygiene Advertising
Check it out. Subtly be damned.
Only two issues this month. I’ve been less than prolific. So sue me.
April 23, 2009 at 1:03 am
holy crap… that schick commercial made me pee in my friggin’ pants. can’t wait to show my wife who will no doubt find it as hilarious as i did. though frankly, keen observation skills are not her strength, i may be required to point out the details. thanks as always for the laughs matty
April 24, 2009 at 7:43 pm
omg i so did not notice the gold in that commercial, though truth be told I was only half watching the first time. good find enos. real good find!
April 27, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Re: Linguica
Catastrophic News
Fragoza Linguica company just announced the closing of their business due to pressures of the current economy. After 88 years.
There is a hoarding frenzy afoot. I personally have enough for the rest of the summer… after that who knows. The Portuguese Festival is being courted by other wannabes to serve their product as we consume about 500 pounds of the stuff during our events. We may have to have a linguica grill-off with secret ballot.
By the way we are doing a small feature about John Kitty Enos in the festival publication this year. Any guesses who dreamed that one up?
Susan
Susan Leonard