Welcome to the early, early, early February edition of The Modern Day Critic. Don’t be thrown by the layout. I’ll probably be trying a few more before settling on one I like. Anyway, on to the reason you’re here:

Superbowl Monday
Some people think the day after the Superbowl should be a national holiday. I’m in favor of anything that rewards our gluttonous tendencies to overindulge in food, alcohol and football with a day off, but the truth is we already have such a holiday. It’s called Thanksgiving.

February Films
Longtime dumping ground of the absolute worst Hollywood has to offer, February releases are the straight to video of the cinematic experience. When a remake of “Friday the 13th“ (Opening Feb. 13th) is poised to debut as the week’s number one, do yourself a favor and catch up on any Oscar noms you may have missed.

The trouble with advertising is 99% of it sucks. If every ad were as entertaining as the early Geico caveman spots or the “I’m a Mac” campaign, there would be a lot less anti-Advertising sentiment. However, there is an undeniable benefit to it, crap and all. Without advertising, the morning paper would cost $59.99.

If you can’t name at least one book you’ve read in the past year, you’d better be bleeding from the eyes, dyslexic or dead. Because if this is the extent of your reading, I’m flattered and disappointed. I thought my audience was smarter than that.

Toilet Seat Covers
Now I consider myself to be a smart guy, so why is my intellect challenged by the tracing paper thin protective toilet seat cover found in some publically used bathrooms? If the gale my ass creates on the way down to the seat is enough to blow it (and all its protective properties) off the seat, I can’t be using it right. Can I? Oh well, I guess that’s why God created the aerial assault.

Special thanks to Mark H. for that last topic.


The Odds
Chance the groundhog will see his shadow on February 2, thus forecasting six more weeks of winter: 50%. That I’ll give a shit: 0%.

If you have suggestions for the Critic, email them to moderndaycritic@yahoo.com.

That’s it until next time. Remember, don’t bogart the laughter. Pass the Critic to a friend and they will think highly of you.