Issue #10. Double digits. Wow. Check it out:

Parallel Universes
The notion that a limitless number of realities are happening just outside our own, parallel universes mean every moment in time could be spun off in to infinite possibilities. In one parallel universe I’m the King of England, while in another, I use my left hand to wipe.

Justin Timberlake
Record Exec 1: This boy band thing has played out again. What’s next? Record Exec 2: We’ll just take the best looking kid from The Backstreet Boys, get him vocal and dance coaches and market the bejesus out of him. Record Exec 1: And since he’s already coming from a squeaky-clean band, we’ll save on establishing his image.

They cackle madly, touch champagne flutes and go back to doing coke off a stripper’s ass.

Unhappy Endings
If you hear one of the following phrases in a story, it’s a pretty good indication it’s going to end badly: 1. “So I drank the bottle of Vodka.” 2. “And then I bet the mortgage against the Globetrotters.” 3. “I didn’t know it was a guy.”

Inner Filters
You know that little barrier in your head that prevents you from saying exactly what you’re thinking in situations that require it? I don’t. And while it can be liberating to say whatever the hell you want, it can also be problematic. Like the time I called the Creative Director at a (now defunct) company a dickhead. I was kidding, but I wish I had waited until after introductions.

Gift Cards
For birthdays, holidays or anytime, there’s nothing like giving a gift card to say,” I don’t give a fuck, get it yourself.” If it’s the thought that counts, these bad boys are the perfect present for when you’ve run out of ideas. Except for where the recipient should shop.

The Modern Day Critic is ready for action three times a month. Join the list to get word of new issues by emailing moderndaycritic@yahoo.com with “Me First” in the subject line. Since I only give a shit about people getting off on this column, rest assured your email address won’t be sold, rented or otherwise compromised.

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