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Natural Selection
A pigeon gets hit by a car. A hunter shoots himself. A horse runs back into a burning barn. A kid OD’s trying to get HIGH on sleeping pills. (Sleeping pills are DOWNS.) Don’t feel bad about these passings. It’s just nature trying to thin the ranks of the planet’s less than desirable inhabitants.

Linguica
Made of whatever falls on the floor, this delicious Portuguese sausage is the only known food to come out better in the microwave.

Porn
Not that I watch it, but the volume is always way too loud whenever it’s turned on. Or so I’ve heard.

Adjectives
When I was younger, I used to think adjectives made me look smart. Why say something’s big, when it can be described as gargantuan or enormous? As I’ve evolved as a writer, I’ve discovered that adjectives should be used sparingly…and that when I was younger, I was a bit of an asshole.

Feminine Hygiene Advertising
Check it out. Subtly be damned.

Only two issues this month. I’ve been less than prolific. So sue me.

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