Howdy all and welcome to Issue 14 of The Modern Day Critic. If the past couple of issues seemed to be lacking my usual scathing grace, it’s because they were. And so, this is coming at you with a renewed sense of purpose (and a healthy dose of pain medication). So, this Bud’s for you:

Childhood Limericks 1
“Don’t say ain’t. Your mother will faint. Your father will fall in a bucket of paint. Your sister will cry. Your brother will die, and that’s the end of the lullaby.” The Lesson: Use poor grammar and your brother is fucked.

Suicide
If you try to kill yourself and you fail, it’s either a desperate cry for help or a serious lack of ability. Your closest drug store is filled with enough pills to take down herds of elephants, so why do something fancy like try to hang yourself without tying a proper noose?

Sunscreen
A quick jaunt to the pharmacy yesterday introduced me to SPF 100. And that’s just not enough protection for me. I won’t be satisfied until they introduce sunscreen that gives you rickets, something like SPF Vitamin D Negative.

The Price is Right
Still the ultimate “sick and stay home from school” TV show, The Price is Right has changed little since its inception in 1972. New host Drew Carey has filled in for the departed Bob Barker with grace, charm and about 75 extra pounds. I like Drew Carey, but, damn, he is getting fucking fat. In fact, producers have taken to always dressing him in black so contestants don’t confuse him for a PLINKO board.

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