This edition of The Modern Day Critic is brought to you by a long weekend on the Cape. If you haven’t already, sign up for The Modern Day Critic mailing list by sending a message to moderndaycritic@yahoo.com with “Me First” in the subject line. And remember, only selfish bastards don’t share the fun around. So pass this on to anyone who could use a laugh (and who couldn’t?).

Popeye
Don’t let the forearm tattoos, corn cob pipe and romance with Olive Oyl distract you from this cartoon’s real message: Problems are solved with performance enhancing substances and ultra-violence.

Umlauts
While they may have a place in their native German, umlauts are just two dots floating above seemingly random vowels in the English language. Screaming look at me, they are far and away the most pretentious punctuation mark in use today.

William Howard Taft
After securing arbitration treaties with Britain and France in the early 20th century, Taft, the 27th President of the United States, cemented his reputation as one of the first proponents of world peace. Also, he was a 300lb. fat fuck who one got stuck in a bathtub.

Childhood Limericks 2
“Fat and Skinny lying in bed, Fat rolled over and Skinny was dead.” The Lesson: There are risks to being a chubby chaser.

Business Meetings
Although it’s been awhile since I’ve attended one, I feel safe in claiming 95% of them are absolute, unequivocal bullshit. And there’s a special ring of Hell for all the managers and go-getters who insist on scheduling them at 9am, because if there’s anything worse than bullshit, it’s first thing in the morning bullshit.

Thanks to Janeen L. for the topic.

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