First, the bad news: Because my disability saps energy like so many vampire bats, I will be reducing the number of issue from three to two a month. Now, the good news: There are still 165 shopping days until Christmas.

Bow Ties
The “hey everybody look at me” fashion accessory for men, bow ties are a sure mark of the incredibly lame. Guys who wear bow ties want everyone to think they’re quirky and different. Well, they’re not. They’re just like you—except they probably got beat up a lot in high school.

Independence Days
This past July 4 got me thinking about the Independence Day of other countries. It turns out that a lot of them are from the United Kingdom. Pakistan’s is August 14. Fiji’s is October 10. Ghana’s is March 6. The list goes on. And since the UK has no Independence Day of its own, I suggest they celebrate a series of Dependence Days, and commemorate when a country first fell under their imperialist thumb.

The Scary Child Movie
Further proof that Hollywood is full of formulaic crap, they churn out films about scary kids at an ungodly rate: The Omen, The Omen II, The Good Son, The Unborn, Orphan, The Children, Children of the Corn, and many more. I can see the pitch meetings now: Producer: So, the kid kills people. Studio Exec: Is the kid scary? Producer: Very. Studio Exec: Sold!

Jaime Kennedy
This guy’s movies suck. He made 2007’s Heckler, a film bitching about how people say they suck. And guess what? That sucked (Although slightly less than his other films). Here’s a tip from the totally unqualified: Don’t put Pauly Shore in your movies. People hate that guy. Why? Because he sucks.

Plug Box
Vote for my sister-in-law’s photo for the monthly amateur shutterbug contest held by The Boston Globe here. Hers is the photo of the fly fisherman (If you don’t see it, you may have to scroll down on the photos). It’s quick, easy and there’s no sign in required.

Come back in August for more shenanigans (I always wanted to use that word). And as always, I can be reached with questions, comments, and inexplicable tirades at moderndaycritic@yahoo.com.

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