The Modern Day Critic runs on eyeballs, lots and lots of eyeballs. So, don’t bogart the joy. Pass The Modern Day Critic to anyone who could use some funny stuff (Facebook and email are good for that).

And away we go …

Asparagus
There is a recipe for asparagus in the oldest surviving cookbook. It takes a stalk of asparagus roughly three years to grow. Your urine starts to stink before it’s all the way down your digestive tract.

Yankees Suck
I’m no fan of baseball’s evil empire, but this has got to go. It reeks of poor sportsmanship, and is made even more annoying at concerts, football games, even July 4th celebrations. The Red Sox Nation has nothing to be bitter about any more, so the taunts need to be of a better class. All that being said, you can’t argue with a good “bullshit” chant to let officials know they fucked up.

Survivor
It’s been Survivor: Borneo, Survivor: Samoa, Survivor: Palau, and more. Now let’s follow the show‘s evolution to the next level, Survivor: Tits and Ass. Reward challenge? Tits and ass. Immunity challenge? More tits and ass. If the producers really wanted to make it tough they’d cast Survivor: Antarctica, but it’s too cold for tits and ass there.

Jigsaw Puzzles
In order to keep sharp (because let’s face it, just this isn’t going to do it), I’ve started doing jigsaw puzzles. My first undertaking: a 2,000 piece photo of Times Square. It’s coming along fine, and if I get bored, I just play the game that came with it: Find the Bits on the Floor.

Drooling
One of the more ascetically interesting symptoms of my condition (Machado Joseph Disease) is that I drool. I’m not constantly covered like a St. Bernard or anything, but I’ll be having a conversation and a stream of mouth syrup will escape. Usually it’s politely ignored, and no one has yet to exclaim, “HOLY SHIT! THIS GUY’S FUCKING DROOLING!” – even if that’s what they’re thinking.

Plug Box
From time to time, my readers will have events/news/sexual offender notices of their own to share. Simply e-mail the details to moderndaycritic@yahoo.com with “Plug This” in the subject box, and see it in an upcoming issue of The Modern Day Critic.

Until next time, don’t forget this issue’s take-away: An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but that levels the playing field.

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