Ready, Set, Enjoy …

Laugh Tracks
Canned laughter is for the benefit of the television audience. It’s punctuation that says, “that was a joke, insert laughter here.” Newly successful comedies like The Office, however, rely on the intelligence of viewers to pick out the funny parts. So it could be said that whenever you chuckled at shows with a laugh track (Seinfeld, Drew Carey, Cheers), the producers were calling you stupid.

Back to School
I don’t even have kids, and I like this time of year. The reason: Back to school shopping. I go for the pencils, and stay for the disappointment. I like to remind kids why they’re there. “That shirt you’ve got to grow into will be lame by the time it fits,” and the even more depressing, “Someday, you’ll realize these were the easy years.”

Germ-phobes
Our world is brimming with microscopic germs and bacteria. We can’t avoid them, so why worry? Of course, washing your hands before you eat is good hygiene, but must the soap be washed first? Just because it might’ve cleaned someone’s ass and you want to use it on your face doesn’t mean…oh, wait…okay…now I understand.

Replacement Shows
When a television show sucks enough to be pulled mid-season, the one that succeeds it is usually touted as the best thing to ever grace the medium. If they were honest, the promos would be more like, “Don’t miss Rosie Perez in Second Shift, a program that wasn’t good enough to crack our original lineup, but that we hope will be sufficient enough now.”

The Mens Room
There are one room public bathrooms that feature a single bowl and a urinal in an open floor plan. Why? Has any one ever been invited to piss, while someone else takes a dump, or vice versa? And if so, did they go?

Plug Box
Got something you’d like to plug? Email the details with “Plug This” in the subject to moderndaycritic@yahoo.com.

This issue’s take away: If the truth hurts, we could all use some pain.

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