Memory
Memory is a fickle bitch. It allows me to forget more great ideas then I care to think about (maybe that’s the problem), but then again, it does keep me from crapping in my pants on a daily basis. So, let’s call it a draw.

Alliteration
I’ve always appreciated alliteration. The similar sounds make it so. Some people prefer it otherwise, and although very vapid, their view is also valid. To them, I say: “Tough Ta-Tas.”

Thanksgiving
It’s ironic that people give thanks for all they have, just before the insanity begins to buy them what they want. Thanksgiving is cool because it remains one of our least commercialized holidays – that is, until marketers can figure out a way to make you feel bad about not giving a Thanksgiving Day gift. Which leads me to:

Black Friday
The name “Black Friday” is so foreboding and full of dread that everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves. Although one wonders how successful the sales would be if the original name had stuck: “Fucking Idiot Assholes Who Would Sacrifice Their Fellow Man to Save a Buck and the Evil Corporations Who Encourage It” Day?

Vampires
I used to think vampires were filthy, villainous, children-of-the-night, who needed blood to continue their foul existence. Apparently, I was wrong. Vampires are hyper-sexual, misunderstood souls who – even though they inhabit dead bodies – still maintain an ability to fuck.

This issue’s take away: There’s nothing like a cold, hard, toilet seat to remind you that you’re alive.

Note: The Modern Day Critic will be on hiatus through December. Look forward to a new issue in January 2010. Thanks!

Advertisements