Howdy all and welcome back to The Modern Day Critic. It’s a new year, and that means more opportunities to laugh at the short comings of others. And so, let’s begin:

Ripley’s Believe It or Not
Here’s an entire company built on the possibility of bullshit. Case in point: The Netu Tribe of upper Papua New Guinea subsists entirely on the legs of two pound grasshoppers during the dry season. Apparently, they taste just like chicken. Believe it, or not?

Tex Avery
If you drop a cymbal on someone’s head, they become Asian for a short time. Bulldogs need black face for adequate Al Jolson impressions. Fleas that play Dixieland music smoke cigarettes during set breaks. These are but a few of the life lessons instilled in me as a child watching Tex Avery cartoons. Most of which are seen as unfit for today’s youth, and that’s a shame. How else are they going to learn not to put TNT sticks in their mouths?

In the realm of unfortunate eatery names, you’d be hard pressed to surpass this mall food court burger stand. A flamer, for the uninitiated, is a flashy gay man. So until a restaurant opens called Flamboyant Homos, Flamers will be safely ensconced in the top spot.

The False Stop
Done by the right musicians, in the right song, in the right context, the false stop elevates a performance to new levels. Check out “Delta Women” on Joe Cocker’s Mad Dogs and Englishmen for proof that in music, like life, a little silence can be a beautiful thing.

Pregnancy Nose
I wasn’t aware of this, but women who are pregnant gain super powers. In the case of my wife, it is a sense of smell that could rival a bloodhound’s. However her nose never picks up baking cookies, or floral arrangements. It’s more like hot garbage, and old cat food … from miles away.

This issue’s take away: In a war of words, the loudest person usually has the least to say.

Questions, comments, book deals: