Toothpaste
Mint. Spearmint. Cinnamon. Herbal Lemon. Tartar Control. Fluoride. All Natural. Breath Strips. Whitening. Sensitive. Enamel Building. There’s so many different kinds of this shit, regular seems antiquated. Just think, people used to brush with fireplace soot (although I hear that flavor died in testing).

Super Bowl Squares
Just one more negative to not being able to work: I can’t pump co-workers for cash to participate in things like Super Bowl squares, and NCAA tourney pools. This might not seem like a big deal, but it means that if I have a daughter, her Girl Scout cookie sales are going to suck.

Pirates
During the golden age of pirates, their leaders were democratically elected. They had a severance packages (Lose a foot get so much gold. Lose an eye get another amount). And they accepted everyone equally, regardless of race. If it weren’t for the killing, raping, and looting, I can see the appeal of this lifestyle.

Childhood Limericks 3
“Whistle while you work, Hitler was a jerk. Mussolini broke his weenie, now it doesn’t work.” The lesson: History is everywhere. Because while the jury’s still out on Mussolini’s weenie, Hitler was, indeed, a jerk.

This Issue’s Take Away: When taken as whole, anything seems bigger than it would otherwise.

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