Brain Freeze
The unique and searing agony that accompanies the housing down of ice cream, frappes, and other frozen treats serves as a microcosm for most of humanity’s ills. How? It comes from a good thing gone wrong, is fully avoidable, and far funnier when it happens to someone else.

I’m going to resist the urge to poke fun of this fruit’s ridiculous name, and instead poke fun of its marketing. “Nature’s Sweet Tart!” was emblazoned on the last (okay, only) package I bought. That’s kind of sad. To use a candy to sell your fruit. But, I suppose it would be sadder if Sweet Tart’s touted their flavor as “Artificial Kumquats!”

Trivia Night
On a recent trip, my wife and I took part in a trivia night. We played against teams of geriatrics who had lived through most of the questions being asked. But still, I was excited to show off how much baseless shit I knew to a bunch of people I’ve never met, and will never see again. Which, of course, I did.

Throwback Pepsi
The bottle claims this soft drink to be: “Made with Real Sugar!” Does that mean Throwback Coke will be: “Made with Real Cocaine!”? As an aside, you know you’re getting old when you recognize the throwback label from your early teens.

China’s Great Wall can be seen from space. The sun is closer to the Earth during the summer. You pay an exorbitant amount of taxes.

This issue’s take away: Even true originals have influences.

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