I’m not going to gross you out by letting you know that it can be seen in shit (I assume you’ve figured that out already). I will gross you out by mentioning it looks like it contains whole kernels. In fact, I look down and think, “Funny, I thought I chewed that.”

3D Television
Trying to capitalize on the trend created by Hollywood (never a good idea), Television now offers a 3D broadcast. And like Hollywood, it’s just another way to trick you into believing a program is worthwhile, without investing in small things like story and character development.

Summer Jobs
I think it’s sad the average 16 year old doesn’t want to work a summer job. As much as they teach responsibility and the value of a dollar, summer jobs (at least my summer jobs) afforded me debauchery between (and sometimes during) my shifts.

LA Lakers
The inevitable “look what celebs showed up to the Lakers finals game” coverage is a big reason I hate this institution. Who gives a thin shit that Jack Nicholson, Steven Spielberg, Will Ferrel, and others are sitting in seats that cost more than my family earns in a month? I think it sucks they devote even half a second to those assholes who come to games just to be seen at the games. What does that make me? A Celtics fan.

(Why doesn’t Donald Sutherland get any airtime during those celeb ass-kissing shots? He sits right next to Jack Nicholson and he was in “Animal House” for christsakes.)

To advertising professionals, these consist of the entire creative department of the same agency competing against one another for an account. To everybody else, they are one person being fucked multiple times by a group of people. This is not the first time (nor the last), that ad agencies have perversed the English language for their own sadistic needs.

This issue’s take away: Why would anyone wait with bated breath?