Osama Bin Laden
After nearly a decade, we finally killed this fucker, and the President is
going to refrain from releasing photos of his corpse. Are there people who actually want to see bullet wound that ended this miserable son-of-a-bitch? Well, yes. Am I one of them? You betcha. It would make an awesome Christmas card.

Guess which one came from Portugal: April showers bring May flowers. Wrinkles should only indicate where smiles have been. If shit had value, the poor wouldn’t have assholes.

Dinosaur Movies
Does the cute brontosaurs baby find his way home? Will the pterodactyl ever see his Mommy again? Do I give a shit? They’re all going to be ended by mass extinction anyway.

Ben Franklin
Poor Richard’s Almanac. The Post Office. Electricity. It’s been well over 200 years and many of this of this founding father’s ideas are with us today. He also said: “Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Apparently, he never drank Budweiser.

This Issue’s Take Away: If you’re at the movies, and something explodes while a character walks away in slow motion, you just wasted ten bucks.